you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize