im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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