Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
