She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
