I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize