It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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