Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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