I will die if light touches me.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
