D3 body, D1 cock
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
