Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
