i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize