what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
