Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
