she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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