At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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