Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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