I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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