I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
