I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
