Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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