that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
