Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
