I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
