Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
