What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
