The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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