Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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