He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm always down for nudity.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
