I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
