She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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