Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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