The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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