oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
