How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
