so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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