Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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