I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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