I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
