I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
