So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
