so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
