are you still at the devil's house?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
