i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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