were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize