My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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