dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's never too late to be topless.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
