First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
