I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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