You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
