yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
