I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
