You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize
