If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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