how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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