laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
