U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize