What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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