U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize