You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
