Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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