Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
