in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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