i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
