Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
