I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
