In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
