if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
