Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
