I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize