As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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