and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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