I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
