dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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