i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
