wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
