I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
