nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
