if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
