If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
