I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
