I love black thongs
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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