Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
