very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
