Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
