Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
