is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
