I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
