Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You work out of a Hotel?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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