I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
