i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
