I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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