I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
