PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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