I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
This house was built for laser tag.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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