Dude my mom stole all your condoms
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
