i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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