how can u be prego again
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Randomize
