I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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