I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
