Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize