I think my fart just growled at me.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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