Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
