I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
