it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
