Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
