no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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