I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
