I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
